No, It's Not Okay To Abuse Children
No. It’s not okay to abuse children.
Even if its just to “teach” them a “lesson”. There is no justification for that nonsense.
Yes, being an educator is all about discipline. Being strict and firm and unwavering.
To be clear, I’m not implying you must be hard on children. That’s being a disciplinarian.
When I say being an educator is about discipline, there’s only one aspect that matters:
Self-discipline.
I've seen this in the life of Helen Keller. Many have read about her success, but few know about her teacher, Anne Sullivan.
Sullivan first followed a strict schedule. She introduced new vocabulary to Keller daily. But when she realised this method wasn't working, she changed her approach. She started using a finger spelling method, like how you would write out W-A-T-E-R while explaining liquid. In six months, Keller learned 575 words and multiplication tables and the Braille system.
Keller once reflected that the most memorable day of her 49-year relationship with her teacher was the moment Sullivan stepped into her world. Even until her last breath, Keller wrote in The Story of My Life, she was awestruck by the “profound contrast between the two lives that became intertwined.” If Sullivan never had the discipline to view Keller just like any ordinary child who needed guidance—to be a model, mentor, friend and mother figure—regardless of abilities, there may never have been a Helen Keller.
When you mix patience and consistency and adaptability and resilience and compassion and focus with creativity, you be guaranteed something amazing happens.
The same goes with children.
So when news broke about children being abused by their teachers at a local preschool in Singapore, I thought to myself:
Have we all lost our minds?
Young children are often unable to rationalise their decisions and understand their emotions. It’s an age thing. That's why they go to school, along with other children, to learn skills that would hopefully turn them into responsible, mature grown ups. Being immersed in a protective and nurturing environment forms an integral part of the education process.
Most educators know this.
Yet knowing isn’t enough. Yet it does not make it any easier.
Over the last 5 years I’ve worked with more than a thousand children from around the world. One thing for sure is they know exactly how to grind your gears. There were times where I almost “lost it”. There were times where I went “I give up, I don’t care anymore”. There were times where I said “do whatever you want”.
Choosing not to let these feelings overwhelm you, however, takes discipline—the kind that goes something like, “regardless of what’s happening, I choose not to look down on children. I will treat them as equal humans beings deserving of respect.”
Discipline!
And on top of that is empowerment.
My job as the head mentor of Gosh! Kids, a creative arts programme, is to unleash creativity into children through photography, art and technology. Transforming them from passive consumers into active creators is the vision. Embodying an intrinsic discipline forms the foundation for that to happen. If you say you want to empower children, you must elevate them to a point where they can be seen and heard by others.
Trent, 7 yo, posing for a photo with a patron
Last weekend we hosted a booth at a creative market. We featured the work of our students and had them printed on postcards and sold them to patrons. But more exciting was the kids having the (rare) opportunity to explain their creative process to the audience. “I can’t believe these photos were taken by children. They’re beautiful!” was heard all day. I was certain that 99%, if not all, of the people who visited our booth went home with a newfound belief that children are capable.
Imagine the pride.
To be credited and admired for what they have created is, to children, more fulfilling than money.
10 yo Nandini explaining her work to an audience
But these compliments made me a little sad.
Sad because it reflects the flaw in society’s perception towards children: that they're incapable, they lack agency, they are passive consumers who doom-scroll their phones all day. Capturing beautiful photographs shouldn’t have been part of this normalised perspective. To view them in this light is probably an abuse in itself. But I reckon those who witnessed the work of children had some change in heart.
Thus, a significant part of being an effective educator (and parent), much like discipline, requires us to see beyond their small stature.
We must recognise they are more capable than we think. It requires us to uplift them and give them a voice and help them find confidence and journey with them towards being a responsible, creative human being.
Abusing children, amongst many things, is not acknowledging any of these to be worthy pursuits.
Singapore's president-elect Mr Tharman Shanmugaratnam shared some nuggets of wisdom during his campaign which I thought were so apt:
Don’t be so stressed when the kids are young. Don’t stress the kids out. Give them time to play. Give them free time. Don’t spend so much time on preparing for examinations.
So when we are young, we’ve got to broaden ourselves, have a range of enjoyable experiences, make friends, and don’t let stress build up in our system.
Parents and kids have to realise that life is a long game. You may not be number one or even number five in school, but life is a long game. You can keep learning and keep improving.
Life is a long game.
So, so, true.
Life is long enough to go beyond grades. Life is long enough to go beyond the stress of competing with your peers. And life is definitely long enough to go beyond your child drinking enough water.
Yet we forget it all the time.
Everything that comes out from an educator, be it physical or verbal, sets the culture—the framework of beliefs, values, customs, traditions, behaviours—of the classroom. If you want to raise exceptional children, control your obsession with being a disciplinarian.
Be obsessed, instead, with having respect for children.
And respect begins with self-discipline.
Be well,
Miss G (@gladyssoh)
